I have a confession to make…
I am a sex worker however I am not a full-service sex worker, which means that I am not a prostitute or an escort. I am an exotic dancer, I started dancing in January of 2017, at that time I was 48 years old. Yeah, I know I got a very late start in life. People ALWAYS ask how I got into doing this at such an advanced age, so here is the scoop…I took almost 6 years off from working because of health issues and I was also writing a book at the time. I had money from a couple of settlements, and I sold off a bunch of belongings to survive since I was not able to work. I made it almost 6 years and then the money started to run out and I was like oh shit, now what do I do now? I had a HUGE gap in my work history, no current job references and I also did not have a current resume. I had a friend suggest I try dancing which was almost inconceivable to me. Not because I am a prude or against it by any means. It was because at the time I was 48 years old, I had no dance experience, two left feet, no rhythm and fibromyalgia (chronic pain) for over half of my life. However, I was used to being around people naked, I had no shame regarding my body, and I had done plenty of web camming.
So, I went and auditioned, and I have been doing it ever since. In the beginning it was rough because I went into it with the mindset of…I have no experience, I am WAAAAAAY older than the other dancers and all the other dancers are prettier and younger than me. All these things were tough pills to swallow and hard to internalize. My esteem went lower and lower, the lower my esteem went the less money I made (I think men can smell “low self-esteem” from a mile away). I was getting hungry and starting to starve and I needed to do something because I was going downhill fast. I started doing intense self-care, meditation, rituals, EFT tapping, journaling, walking, contemplation and long hot baths in bath salts. I had to do lots of inner work and lots of shadow work. I had to learn to love myself even more than before. I had to be kind and compassionate to myself. I also had to stop judging myself and comparing myself to other women.
After many tears and much agony, I came to the realization I had to change my mindset and my inner dialog that I was having with myself. I had to stop saying I was too old and not pretty enough. So many people grapple with feelings of “not enough” that it is time to say, “I am enough!” I had to work on protecting my energy, raising my vibration, loving myself and accepting my worth and being mindful of my greatness. Hey, what can I say, I am a badass bitch to be doing this now at age 51. I am breaking stereo types regarding aging which to me is exciting.
Being a dancer has taught me a lot of things, most importantly it helped me to uncover the shadow work that desperately needed to be addressed and has given me strength (I was strong before, but I am even stronger now!). Plus, this is the first job that I love doing. In the past I have had jobs that I liked, or I hated but nothing I really loved doing until I started dancing. Sex work is real work and sex workers are real people. Please don’t try to put us all in a box and say we are all the same or stigmatize or stereo type us in any way. There are so many myths and misconceptions about sex work, so educate yourself before you judge others.
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